Are You Parenting Postively?

Parenting can often seem overwhelming, making us want to turn to experts for advice so we can just follow “good rules of parenting” says Anna Russo of Success Strategies. Most parents want to have a deep connection with their children and some succeed. What is the difference? How would you like to find out?

Step into this scene. Family members showing love and cooperation to each other! All are listening, respecting, and responding to each other’s requests! Everyone feeling content because they belong to our “special family”. Sounds and feels wonderful, doesn’t it? What is stopping you from creating this family portrait? Perhaps, you have been “trying” to solve kid problems as they occur-focusing on what you don’t want and getting short-term relief.

Every behavior is trying to fulfill a need. Do you know what your child is trying to fulfill when he/she is misbehaving? Here are some tips to help you.

1. First interrupt, limit or stop the unwanted behavior, as quickly and as calmly as possible.
2. Find the positive intention of the unwanted behavior. “What is it that you are trying to do?” “What is it that you want?”
3. Agree with or acknowledge the child’s positive intention. “It’s important to protect your things.”
4. Help the child find other ways to achieve his positive intention. “How else could you accomplish that?” With young children, it can be useful to mention possibilities for the child to consider

If we only stop unwanted behavior, children often gradually learn to think of themselves as “mean” or “bad”. They feel in conflict because as they see it, they can either hit and shove and get what they want, or be “nice” and lose something important to them.

In contrast, using all four steps enables you to help the child identify her positive intention and find another solution. Three of the long-term effects are:

• The child thinks of herself as having good intentions, in contrast to being “aggressive” or “bad”. This adds to a positive self-concept.
• The child eventually will come to think of other children in the same way – that even when they do things he does not like, they are acting out of good intentions.
• The child learns to automatically think of alternative solutions and use her creative resources whenever there is a problem to be solved.

Try applying these ideas as a first step to parenting positively. These ideas are part of the Parenting Workshop presented by Anna Russo. Russo has been successfully conducting workshops for parents and teachers through her business. For more information visit www.successstrategiesnlp.com.