Set Up the Stage/ Overview

Through many years of working with people as a coach, particularly with children and teenagers who have difficulties concentrating or being motivated, I have made discoveries that have proven helpful for many of my clients. Growing up, I wish my parents would have had the skills that I’m revealing in this book! This is not about blaming parents, but about learning new strategies. Many resources were not available years ago; now information is readily accessible. You can learn and apply these strategies to create a happy, more harmonious family.

I grew up very shy and feeling unworthy. I promised myself that I would do things differently when I had my own family. Instead, I found myself repeating the same mistakes and creating and perpetuating the same family dynamics: anger, demands and yelling. I could not reach my children with the way I was communicating. I questioned my own reality, and realized there had to be a better way. Surely life had more to offer! I am sure, you as a reader, can relate to that. I went on a search, and through many classes, trainings, and the use of a personal coach I began my transformation. I discovered that the message I received growing up, had a major impact on my beliefs and actions. The more I searched, the more the quality of my communication began to change, as well as my self-worth, and the belief that there was hope.

You, as a parent, may sometimes wish there were a recipe for how to be a good parent. Since children are not born with an owner’s manual, it takes research to figure out what works. You can probably relate to feelings of self-doubt and negative self-talk. “I didn’t have good parents as a model. I don’t have my own life in order – how can I help my kids? I’m at the end of my rope; I’ve done everything I know how to do, and it isn’t helping. I don’t know what else to do.” Most people repeat the behavior they have learned because it is familiar. They operate under the belief that dealing with children is difficult, and they can not win. Many people have negative self-talk about parenting.

That’s what this book is about! I’d like to convey to you that it isn’t about who is going to win; it is about producing results that are good for you and your family. The knowledge that I gained has allowed me to assist people to develop themselves to live out their dreams.
Action Steps:

1. Be aware that you have all the resources inside of you to make the changes you need to make. They need to be developed and brought out by a coach.
2. Make the decision to be the best you can be.
3. Commit to be better; don’t just wish for improvement.
4. Focus on what you want to accomplish (instead of blaming,
be result oriented).
5. Adjust your communication!

Every parent wants motivated kids! They want their kids to do well in school, clean their rooms, help out with chores, be self-motivated and take the initiatives. Unfortunately, most of the time, teenagers are not self-motivated; they are busy searching for their own identity.

Once there was a belief that motivated people were born that way. Now we are discovering that motivated people can be created. People are driven to do what they find valuable and worthwhile. “What is the benefit of doing this?” is the underlying question that goes through the mind whether we are aware of it or not. This applies to all people.

As Maslow explained in his hierarchy of needs, first we take care of basic needs for food and shelter. Once those are in place, we look for love and connection. The next level is to define our self and find a place in the world. This occurs at any age, it reoccurs throughout life as we go through this journey.

I invite you to consider for a moment the world of a young person. They have opinions of their lifetime experience as we all do. They are in the process of discovering themselves, learning and defining who they are, sorting likes and dislikes, what is important or not, and how to fit into their environment. Obviously, this process promotes concentrating on self, with very little concern for what the parents want or desire for them. They are working within their own frame of reference; it is their lifetime of experience. The frame of reference is different for everyone, and needs to be respected.

The parents often look at a child’s apparent lack of motivation and communication and take it personally. They may feel guilty, assuming that they failed in some way. Some parents resort to threats to get short-term results, often passing on a negative legacy from their own childhood. Most people already know this doesn’t change or help the situation. Because at this point as a parent you know how many different obstacles can get in the way of really reaching your teenager, and you also know how important it is to do so. The following strategies will help to overcome these obstacles.